News of the October 7th events came to me a few hours late when I woke up on a Saturday morning while on vacation in South America. It took me a long time to reset and realize that there is a serious war in Israel. Little by little, news came about my friends who were at the Nova Festival. I couldn’t reach anyone on the phone because everything was crazy in Israel. Only the next day I found out that two of my friends were killed, and a good friend’s sister had been kidnapped. The days abroad alone, without any Israeli who understood what I was going through, were the hardest days of my life. A whole week passed before I was able to return to Israel, and I did not have time to attend the funerals of my friends. In Israel, my situation only worsened. I didn’t understand why I was so depressed and scared. I was angry with myself for allowing myself to be in distress while people around me were going through such things when I wasn’t even in Israel.
The first time I felt normal for a moment was when I finally got to treatment. My psychologist explained to me that I too had experienced trauma, and helped me deal with the grief for those I lost in the massacre. Thanks to the treatment, I found the strength to hold a private funeral for my friends, and even get back in touch with the friend whose sister was kidnapped. I’m still in the middle of the treatment and it’s clear that I haven’t recovered yet, but I feel that I’m getting stronger and finding more strength to cope and feel again the confidence I once had.